Dealing With My Depression

What is depression?

2011-06-23T23:28:00.001-07:00

What is depression?
Depression is a state of mind where none
of the things that used to make you happy
work any more. It is sometimes called
“the blues” or being “down in the dumps.”
Depression is very common after some
of life’s most cruel events, such as death,
divorce—or learning you have kidney
failure. Experts say one of every three or
four dialysis patients is depressed.
Depression is not just a rare day of sadness.
Feeling hopeless and helpless for a few
weeks is a clue that you might be depressed.
Sleeping or eating more or less than usual—
or missing dialysis—can also be clues.
The good news is that depression can
sometimes be prevented, and can always
be treated.
Why is depression important to me?
Depression can take the joy out of life.
It can steal your energy and make you feel
like there is no hope, or no reason to go on
living. If you are depressed, getting dressed
and out of the house can feel like climbing
a mountain. Being depressed can also make
your health worse.
If you are depressed, it can be hard to
believe that life can get better again—
but it can. Getting help for depression
can give you your life back.

Dealing with depression - Want to sleep my life away.

2011-06-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

This morning i was felling a bit worse than others again. Maybe it is because I saw something yesterday afternoon which made me feel like shit, because that was the first thing that came into my head when I woke up this morning. I did not feel like getting up and was very tempted to call in a sick day at work. But, I am here. I don't know how I will get through another day with this feeling inside of me. I feel like everybody can see how shit I feel and that they are staring at me.

How do I make them stop, and...... how do I get this feeling to go away??

Depressed life - You are not alone

2011-06-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

I used to think I am the only person with a dark soul. And I am not talking about good and evil. I am talking about being happy and smiling compared to feeling like shit, depressed and lonely. Feeling lonely even though there are hundreds of people walking past you at the super market.

I started doing some research and realized that I was not alone. That there are others sharing this feeling I cant explain properly with words. It made me feel a little less weird, a little bit less like a freak!

I sometimes miss having people around me, someone close, even just for a little while.....

Darkness around me

2011-06-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

It's Monday morning. Another day, another week. Everything seems exactly the same it did a week ago. Well, maybe a little bit more shitty.
I am sitting here alone in my office. The lights are all on, but it feels dark and cold in here. There are people around, but i feel alone. I am trying not to loose it here at work. It's difficult and I do not know for how long I will be able to keep this up.

I need help......

Hello Darkness my old friend!

2011-06-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again....
Because a vision softly creeping. Left its seeds while I was sleeping....
And the vision that was planted in my brain. Still remains....
Within the sound of silence....

Song done originally by Simon and Garfunkel, but the specific version I was thinking about here was the cover done by South African Goth slash whatever you want to call the genre', The Awakening. This one has a darker feel to it. Which, for now suits my mood a lot better. Yep, that's right.... I'm in a bit of a dark place tonight, and actually have been yesterday and the day before that and the week before that. I am the proud owner of a depressed life!

It is starting to haunt me really. I can't concentrate or focus anymore. It feels like this feeling, this darkness inside of me is taking over my life. I need to do something about this, but what and how. I sometimes feel to depressed to even think of a solution for my situation.

I still have not thought of a perfect plan to "fix" myself up. And for now, I don't think that matters. All that matters is that I tell someone about it because I can't take walking around with this burden on my shoulders alone. I don't have any close friends like I used to. I don't have anybody to talk to about how I feel and have no one to ask for guidance or someone to tell me it's going to be OK! But that's ok. I am used to it.

I am used to being alone.....